What I learned from being a (temporary) full-time father
When I was younger, I dreamt of finding someone, growing a family, traveling, and building a home. My childish dreams didn’t go much further or become more specific than that. 2024 was the year we finished our little renovation, and more importantly, the year my daughter was born. I’m grateful and content, but I didn’t realize that my life now is beyond anything I could have imagined when I was younger. For instance, I never envisioned that one day I would be choosing a school for my children or that I would strive to age healthily so I can be there for their future. These ideas were simply unimaginable back then. Now, though, as I think about these wonderful possibilities, I realize an important lesson: Dreams don’t have to die as we grow older. They can be revised, added to, and edited as we grow.
In the second half of 2024, with the birth of our second child, we were fortunate to take a break from work and focus on our children. I got a glimpse of what it's like to temporarily live the so-called "dream job" of being a full-time parent. Here are a few things I’ve learned from that experience.
“Being a Mother is Hard”
Being a good father is hard.
Being a good mother is hard.
Being a father is not hard, but being a mother is hard.
Being a good mother is hard.
Being a father is not hard, but being a mother is hard.
What I want to say is that I don’t think nature distributes the load of parenting equally between men and women. There are things like labor, breastfeeding, and the baby’s attachment to the mother, who is often the only source of nourishment. I’m grateful for my wife for being a great mother, and it motivates me to take on the challenging journey of being a good father, even though it’s not easy. Most meaningful things in life are built with intention and hardship anyway.
“Living the Example”
Yo-Yo Ma once said in an interview that his aim is to pass the least toxin to the next generation. As I raise my now 2-year-old son, I realize that he doesn’t always do the things we tell him to do, but he will certainly mimic the things we do. Oh, how you repeat that quiet swear word I regret letting slip when I dropped something while I was closing the car door—I'm sorry.
Kids are like a special kind of mirror that reflects their parents. You can't expect your kids to fly economy while you’re in business class; as parents, you must earn those lessons through your actions. The hardest part is living as a good example—showing them how to handle boredom, disappointment, and tough times. And by being a good example for you, you teach me to be a better person too.
Kids are like a special kind of mirror that reflects their parents. You can't expect your kids to fly economy while you’re in business class; as parents, you must earn those lessons through your actions. The hardest part is living as a good example—showing them how to handle boredom, disappointment, and tough times. And by being a good example for you, you teach me to be a better person too.
"Lending Fresh Eyes"
I took my kids on trips, even though it wasn’t easy and the destinations weren’t the same as the ones we’d go to as adults. While we now miss the breathtaking sunrise hikes and late-night izakayas, we’ve discovered the charms of seeing the world through a child’s fresh perspective—the everyday magic that surrounds us. You taught me how a bucket of water, a little leaf, everyday transportation, a hairdryer blowing a ping-pong ball, a parking lot chime, and many other things can be magical and wonderful.
“Unadulterated Joy”
My favorite phrase in english would have to be “unadulterated joy”. It’s like the dictionary embed a lesson in there that as adult - we learned to be less satisfied. If you ever spend enough time with children, you might came to the same conclusion with me that perhaps default stage for them is pretty happy. Perhaps, for everyone— if we learn to un adult ourselves.
“This is the Blessing”
We grew up believing that happiness is an “if-then” moving target, and we often forget the flower right in front of us. My children are both under 3 years old, and they are my greatest blessings. While some parents might feel burdened by the things they "have" to do as parents, it’s funny how, as we get older, we look back and miss those demanding chores. I truly believe that it’s a privilege for me to read to them, feed them, hold them, sleep next to them, and raising them. I don’t want to skip a single chapter. You two, just by being yourselves, have already given us the gift of infinite possibilities. You are our blessing, and the blessing is here, now.
Thank you for all the wonderful memory in 2024, wishing everyone a wonderful 2025.
